Molested by two family members till the age of 12, Raped at 32, Victim of Stalking, Alcoholic Parents,Tumultuous Childhood, Abandoned by Father at age 11, Searched for Father for 19 years, Raised by a Narcissist Loveless absent Mother, Placed in a Foster Home, Disowned by Family, Bullied at School, Left
Home at 16, High school Drop Out, Outcast, Abusive Boyfriends, Multiple failed Engagements, Two failed Marriages, Exploited, Weight Issues, 38 Failed Diets, Food Addiction, Eating Disorders, Self Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal, 160lb Weight Loss.
Descriptive words that could be a title to multiple chapters in my life, making up not one but a series of
novels…all words that used to describe me.
They no longer define me…I reclaimed my life; I uncovered my authentic self!
As I began writing my story to post with my photos, I quickly realized that I would have to embark on writing a novel for the life I lived can’t be easily explained in a short bio. Within the chapters are multiple segments of obstacles I had to overcome on top of those listed above.
It is important for me to state that there have been some wonderfully special times in my life in between all that chaos, though the struggles outweighed the joy in my life.
I have forgiven those who have hurt me, some I told, some I will never tell for forgiving them was for me, not them. Though I will never forget, I have forgiven.
My scars are laced with silver and gold (theoretically speaking) I chose these metals because they are malleable and pliable. My scars will always be there from wounds that helped build who I am today. I will never be fully healed, for that is impossible, for I will have to refer back to the pain I endured for the greater good of my soul and to help others by extracting from my experiences.
Yes, it is true, I have lost 160lbs, 107 inches and took drastic measures to do so, surgically altering my body so I can finally conquer the lifelong struggle. It was more than just about losing weight, it was for my health for I was on the road to an early grave and more importantly it was about what was beneath
the weight I needed to address, the pain I tried to bury with the weight.
It has been a lifelong journey to get to where I am today, the healing process for each event I experienced didn’t come easily for there were setbacks and it has taken decades to overcome it all.
I am proud to say I have been successful not only achieving the weight loss, regaining my health, but finally conquering the pain, resentment, anger, shame and regret I carried heavily within my soul.
The photo session was a celebration not of just the weight loss, it was much deeper than that, it was the emotional weight I was able to shed, something words could never explain and I could never show anyone, it was the celebration of the beautiful healing process of my soul, the renewing of my spirit and lovingly embracing the little 6 year old girl who’s innocence was taken away by two family members that lasted 6+ years and likely began even before her first memory at the age of 6. Whose lived a life filled with pain and severe mental suffering.
Proud of who I am today, I have successfully become a woman who has reclaimed her life, her sexuality, her individuality, her confidence, her peace of mind, her spirit, and most of all I was finally able to uncover my authentic self, though I recognize myself and I don’t recognize myself – for my authentic self
was deeply buried all these years and it will take time for me to adjust.
At the age of 50 there is still a lot of life I hope to live and there are no guarantees that my future will not hold more challenges, but this I know, I have come to a point where I will be able to face the challenges with more strength and courage than I have had in the past. Vulnerability has no place in my life anymore!
My wish is that every person finds the strength and determination to overcome their pain and seal their wounds, to be able to uncover their authentic self.
I am grateful for Jennifer who provided me a comfortable, fun environment where I felt accepted for who I was, she allowed me to express myself, she captured my spirit, she saw into my soul. She is blessed with a gift and I am grateful to have shared this experience with her. Jennifer was able to
capture several layers of my personality through her camera lens that day!
She captured the love between my son and I, and she captured the love I finally have for myself!