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Depression Often Feels Like Drowning.  - Shauna

13/7/2020

Comments

 
This is it. The picture that epitomizes my struggle with mental health. The days where my head is so loud that I can't think straight. I want to cover my ears and and hide away from the sounds that exist only within my mind. My heart races like I am being chased and my breath comes up short and fast. My throat closes up and I am unable to speak. It's like trying to expel glass from my mouth, just to say anything. I feel that there is very little of me left, the blue of my mental illness seems to consume me. I lose my smile in those moments. For days or months, the muscles sit unused in any true way. I can force a smile if I need to; to keep the questions and well-intentioned concern from flowing at me, but it's fake.

I reached this point a few months before the pandemic and finally went to see the doctor again. This isn't my first time of reaching the point where I felt the water closing in over my head. Depression often feels like drowning to me. So, I went in and started to talk. Each session was tears and frustration at the things that I can't move past. It was homework when I have finished school, for now. It meant group therapy and facing the terror of being open with people face to face. I forced myself to be very honest with myself and slowly, bit by bit, I was able to advocate for myself. I was able to get the treatment that I needed to slowly bring the smile back to my face.

The reason why things got so bad this time is because I forgot to be gentle with myself. I forgot to make time for me. My world got flipped on its ear and I forgot who I needed to put first, once and a while. I let myself get so caught up that it wasn't until my session and Jennifer pointing it out, that I had never really smiled for one of my sessions with her (there had been three, prior to my cheer session). This person who I call my friend hadn't seen me truly smile in the whole time that I had known her, to that point. The smile that is in these pictures is true, because I learned how to make me a priority. It's because I have learned to lean on people, when I need them. I am teaching myself how to admit that I need help and that I am not a burden for simply needing a hand.

With the pandemic, this has become a daily exercise. I remind myself when I get up in the morning, that things aren't the way that I would like them to be, but that is ok. I am safe and the people that I care about are safe and I am worthy of love and help. Most of all, I remind myself that it can't rain all the time. One day this will all be over and I will have survived, because I am strong enough to make it through anything, even when I don't feel like I am. I have a mental illness, but that is not who I am. The blue will always be there, but I choose not to let it consume me.

- Shauna
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    Tell Us Your Story!

    These stories belong to the beautiful people who have came in for a Lady Luck experience. 

    Whether its for Pin Up, Boudoir, Glamour, or one of our special mental heath sessions, we invite ALL of our clients to share their story to inspire and motivate those reading it.

    Over these past 8 years, since the birth of Lady Luck, these stories have been shared with us before, during and after our clients have had th
    eir experience with us.
    ​
    After hearing so many powerful, emotional and heartfelt stories, we were bursting at the seams  to share them. 

    These stories are so powerful, so inspiring, we felt they would help others, if they were out there to gain power from.

    ​These are words our clients wanted to share to help others, with their story of strength and courage and devotion and after having an empowering, life changing experience at Lady Luck.


    BODY POSITIVITY.

    MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS.

    #endthestigma
    ​#bodypositivity

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  • Home Page
  • Your Lady Luck Team
  • Photo Gallery
    • Pin Ups
    • Classic Lady Luck Pin Ups
    • Boudoir and Burlesque
    • SYO Sessions & Glam The Dress
    • Lady Luck Maternity Sessions!
    • Best friends, Mother/Daughter, Sisters and Family
    • Bachelorette and Group Parties with Lady Luck!
    • Lady Luck Couples Sessions
    • Before And After ~ Transformations!
    • Behind The Scenes With Lady Luck!
    • Straight From The Heart: Lady Luck Clients Open Up
  • Photo Packages
    • Engagement and Couple Sessions
    • Pin Up Packages For Men!
  • Contact Us
  • WORKSHOPS
  • Blog
  • In The News!
  • Talk of the town!
  • FAQ
  • Also At The Lady Luck Studio: Jennifer McCready Photography
  • New Page