“I’m afraid I won’t be brave enough to give up what I want and say yes to what my soul is asking of me.”
-The old me
This woman in these pictures is strong, powerful, beautiful, confident, self assured, a warrior goddess. This woman loves life, she is consciously creating, she is a mother of 3, and a fiance. She is a leader in her community and helps others on their journey. She is a natural muscle champion, and an elite speaker. She is a mindset coach, a homeopath, and the owner of a successful metaphysical boutique called Thrive mind, body & soul. She is a Warrior Goddess. BUT 5 years ago, life was very different.
5 years ago, I was lying on the cold bathroom floor. Colourful toys lay discarded around the house. Dirty clothes flow out of the laundry baskets. Horns and neighbourhood children’s laughter bellow in the windows. Beside the toilet the telephone. My children are not here, and I don’t know when, if ever they will be back. I was being investigated for child abuse. The children would not be back till and if I am cleared of the allegations. I have lost, my home, my marriage, my money, my career, and now my children. I am broken. This is my rock bottom.
I was feeling lost, unworthy, and unloved. I was consumed by this deep and lonely feeling that made me identify myself with less than who I felt I really was. I knew I was worth more, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself. I felt full of anxiety and depression. That bathroom floor where my body was throwing up the pain, the resentment, the fear, the worry, the doubt, and the self sabotage, that bathroom floor was where I gained clarity and transformation. That was the moment when I remembered who I was. I could see her, I could feel her, but I didn’t know how to get to her.”
I WAS AFRAID I WON’T BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE UP WHAT I WANT AND SAY YES TO WHAT MY SOUL IS ASKING OF ME.”
There was so much chatter going on inside of my head, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t sleep, I was barely eating, and was suppressing all that I was feeling with a glass of wine or two. I realized that in order to get to her I had to go within.
So it began.
The biggest lesson I have ever learned, love myself and let the light in. I began to meditate, eat healthy, exercise, cut the drinking, and treat myself with love. I took time for myself, doing things that brought me joy, and didn’t feel guilt or shame about it.
I have learned to communicate authentically, and that a win/win situation is always best.
I practiced Forgiveness so I can let go and release that which no longer serves me.
I learned to take radical responsibility. It is my belief that I created all the experiences in my life, or how I choose to react to them, I started to take ownership of that and realize that I am always creating and that meant that I was no longer a victim to myself or others. There are memories and lessons everything else falls away. I now choose to consciously create the experiences.
I started to push myself and get uncomfortable. JUMP I would tell myself. I choose to no longer let fear hold me back. Yes, I may get hurt but I learned that our hearts don’t break they tear like any muscle, and then they repair, growing stronger and bigger. I choose to take the chance rather than stay in the same place for the rest of my life.
I learned integrity is important. If I say I am going to do something I do it, I show up for myself and others. So, I declared I was going to start showing up more. But How???? I wanted to declare to myself and the world that this is who I am. This is who I have become.
That’s when I called Jen. The day of the photo shoot, I was treated like a goddess. I got my hair done, my make up done and tried a million outfits on. Then came the warrior showing up and doing it. Feeling uncomfortable but jumping anyways. Baring myself to the world, this is who I am, this is ME!
I Love my pictures, I love the way I felt, the way I showed up and the way I am seen.
From the bathroom floor, to warrior goddess was not an easy or short journey. It has been years of doing the work and continuing. But if I can do it, so can you! Again if I can do it, so can you!!!!
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.” Lalah Deliah